Coonicide

You guys might need to sit down for this one. Grab a box of tissues and some chocolate. Have your mommy on speed dial.

Also. This post could certify me as a redneck. I desire to be the opposite. Sometimes I view the opposite of being redneck as being British. I want to be able to say "Cheerio, mate!" and wear floral from head to toe and have afternoon tea. Instead I'm a ginger Arkansan with a father who has a "man cave" in our house where he keeps his shrine of deer heads and stuffed in flight ducks. One of the ducks has duck calls hanging from its neck. Oh the irony. You win some you lose some.

This is a tragic tale about a relatively normal Wednesday night. The night started out with Jo Beth. Sister is my ridiculously tan, hilarious bestie who just got home from too many weeks in Costa Rica. That's false. It was the perfect amount of weeks in Costa Rica but i'm selfish and wanted her with with me to laugh and be absolutely ridiculous with. Jo Beth is one of those people who I laugh with like no other. Ugly laugh x 10. Snorting. Crying. Lack of breathing. The kind of laughter that mends your soul and makes you feel lighter. Being with her is pure joy.

We started out working on our fitness. It's a favorite pasttime of ours. Ask anyone at the HPER. We're animals. All the boys stare. Not really. But really.

About 3 steps into it I was doubled over in laughter because we started talking like cavemen. I know that's not funny. Needless to say we made a scene. The walk continued. We walked to Meg's house and loved on the sweet one for a little bit. We got chased by a herd (atleast 5) of miniature poodles. Then we decided to go get a snowcone to make up for all of our burnt calories. Life was sweet. All was right with the world.

I got in my car. Sang my little heart out to Sleeping at Last. I was smiling and laughing and driving down a country road with no one around but the Lord Himself. It was like a scene straight out of Gilmore Girls. I thought I saw Lorelei and Luke sitting on their front porch. Then I remembered they were fictional TV characters and not real life. And I think that show was set in New Hampshire or something cray cray like that. Let's just say I was plum confused.

And that's when it happened.

I was speeding along a back road singing and that's when I saw it. A huge. Wriley. Angry raccoon. Bless it's furious heart. It was no match for my 2005 Suzuki. I couldn't swerve fast enough. It couldn't scamper quickly enough. It's too small brain couldn't function that fast. I literally saw it's life flash before its eyes and then the rest is history. I drove the rest of the way home in a, "Oh my goodness gracious. I just killed a raccoon. I wonder if it had little raccoon children? Don't think that!" stupor.

Fifteen minutes later I was texting Jo Beth and laughing my head off about it. Dumb bunny, coon. Served it right walking in front of my beast of a car. Did I just say that?