Gap teeth and trans fats

Oh goodness y'all. It has been so long. Too long, some would even say. Maybe that's just me.

Okay okay I admit I check my own blog more than anyone else does. It's like I'm checking in to see if I posted in my sleep (that's a lie). Really, I just check in to laugh at my own jokes. Yes, I'm well aware that I'm that girl.

So much has happened and changed since September 16 or whenever my last post was. My hair is longer and I'm considerably less tan. I'm wearing a sweatshirt. I have a job. I'm 2 months older (wiser). It now gets dark at 3 pm and the sun doesn't make its appearance until 10 am (Minor exaggeration. It's more like I don't make an appearance until 10 am, but that's for the world's benefit. You're welcome.) The trees are all sorts of beautiful. I can see my breath in the morning. I've stopped sweating whilst walking to class. I've been learning what it means to accept life on God's terms and not my own. It's not weird for me to be drinking hot chocolate anymore. The semester is nearly over. They put Christmas lights on the fountain at school. Merry Christmas, Y'all. I'm no longer mentoring the babies I love so much. I haven't worn my retainer in easily 3 weeks and I'm terrified my gap tooth is making a reappearance. I've stopped trying to be outdoorsy. I've been listening to nothing but Christmas music. Sorry I'm not sorry if you're offended by the joy it brings me to celebrate my Saviors birthday 4 out of the 12 months of the year. Too far? Probably. Obviously some things haven't changed. I'm still a ginger, drama mama school girl.

But really. Things have changed so very much. I feel like my life is one big transition. And I've discussed with the class how much I love transitions aka I'd rather die. But once again here we are at a big one. What on God's green earth am I going to do with my life next year you ask? Well join the club of askers. Normally I tell people things like "that's the million dollar question" or "joining the circus" or "Selling plasma" or my personal favorite "WHAT'S THIS 'GRADUATION' YOU SPEAK OF!?! I DON'T GET IT!!".

The Lord is teaching this girl who hates all things unknown the most gloriously hard lesson as of late. He has put me in a position where I don't know the future yet I love the present. I love living with these girls. I love running the crumbly streets of my neighborhood. I love dancing in the entry way. I love my sweet little cooking job. I love precious little Conway. I love drinking diet coke at 8 am with Mrs. Alicia once a week. I love dreaming about the future. I love my sewing class. I love being loved on by the people in this town. I absolutely love where I am. I long to drink up everyday like the gift it is.

But in the back of my mind there's always a nagging of "Morgan...MORgan....MORGAN!!! I know you can hear me. What are you going to do next year?! Where are going to live?! Who are you going to live with?! Are you going to be lonesome?! What if you go 3 years without a hug because you don't know anybody?!?! Are you going to survive?! Are you going to be (heaven forbid) SINGLE FOREVER?! Are you going to be that girl who owns 1,000 cats and justifies eating chicfila for every meal because they fry their chicken in peanut oil instead of that trans fat infested other nonsense?!?!?!! Are you going to have to live in a shack because you're only going to be making $3 an hour?!?! What if your car breaks down and you can't get ahold of your dad to fix it because you weren't able to pay your cellphone bill?!?! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

You laugh. Maybe you're not laughing and you just think I'm a crazy person who needs help (semi true). But these are my thoughts and fears in the midst of this joy. The Lord has been teaching me to eat his gift of the icecream cone today and to let him worry about the love handles down the road. To enjoy the smell of the rain and let him worry about the tornado. To skip class and enjoy the beautiful weather and let him worry about this quiz I missed. To float down the river and let him worry about the rapids. To celebrate Christmas from September 1- December 25th and let Him worry about December 26th. There are a million insertable metaphors here. I'll spare you.

I don't know why learning to not let the future steal my current joy is such a big deal to me. Probably because I anticipate and worry and look forward to the future more than anyone I've ever known. Probably because I've been letting the future steal my joy for years. For a lifetime. There is such freedom in enjoying today. Such richness to everyday. I don't know why I've been living anywhere but the present for so long.

But y'all. Welcome to right now. For this moment, it's a delight! For always, it's a gift.