It's bananas

I know you all have come here to read the intense and life changing and spiritual revelations that I've had since spending 6 weeks at camps. That's an exaggeration but let's be honest, I expected to have some. I looked forward to the end when I could attest what God had done in my life. I also dreaded the end when I would be ripped away from a super loving and encouraging environment that I had been immersed in for 6 weeks.

So here we are. The lessons I've learned are so simple and elementary. This summer I learned the Lord loves me. I'm sure most of you are thinking, "Doy, that's the foundation of our faith". So I'm a little slow and striving. Better late than never. I always saw the Lord as a parent who always loved me but was always hoping I eventually got my stuff together. I always feared disappointing the Lord with my decisions. I always felt the need to do my best and all I could for the Lord (which is exhausting, let's be real). I began to focus more on becoming Christlike and lost my view of Christ Himself in my "helping". I feared falling away from Him. It's amazing how simply realizing the depths of the Lord's love for me freed me from the cages of those lies.

I think the biggest thing I've learned is that the Lord's love for me is unlike anything I could experience from anyone else. It's different. It's better. It's healing. It's enough. The Lord isn't sitting around "loving me" but not liking how I don't have my life together. He isn't frustrated with my inability to get things right. This summer I gave up on doing better. I gave up on trying. Period. The Lord has brought me to the absolute end of myself this year. I have worked and strived and prayed and acted and performed. I have pursued becoming more this and "working on" being more that and trying to rid myself of weakness. I'm not getting any better y'all. I realized this summer that I have pursued more excellent behavior instead of the Lord himself. I forgot that pursuing the Lord makes me more like Him and instead traded that truth for the lie that He must help me in my most exemplary efforts to become more like Him.

The Lord loves me. Period. In my weakness. In my strength. In my heart, He sees Jesus. He sees me as perfect and righteous. He's not frustrated with me. He's not angry. He's not waiting around for me to get my stuff together. In His eyes, my stuff is together, because of Jesus.

After this rollercoaster ride of being broken and then having the "trying makes me feel accomplished" rug pulled out from under me, I was left floating around in a sea of "who am I" and "I've made banana pudding for the Lord my entire life and He doesn't even like bananas!" confusion.

I'm still in that confusion a little bit. But the Lord has made it clear that He has only asked me to rest in Him. Abide in Him. Delight myself in Him. He'll do the rest. For His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Period. What could be more opposite of my life as of late?

So what have I been doing with my new found freedom you ask? I have been myself. I have laughed and worried a little and been a little selfish and asked for rest and received it. All grace covered. All guilt free. It's incredible.

Thank you for all the mail and encouragement and packages and prayers while I was at camp. They filled me up deep. You are LOVED. Not nearly enough by me, but hugely and without stipulation by the CREATOR of the universe. Bask in it. Eat it for dinner. Period.